Who I want to be.

I wish I wasn't so fat. I wish I was smaller so I was prettier. I wish I looked like her.

I hate myself.

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

Stuck Inside Myself

Lately I feel trapped. Trapped within my depression, trapped within my darkness, trapped without knowing how to get out. I love and I laugh, but some-days it's really not enough. I just wish I knew how to be happy more often. Then I wouldn't have so many doubts about myself. Then I would have motivation. and then that motivation would help me lose weight helping me be happy. THE CIRCLE NEVER ENDS.

Awkward Moments and Depression

Ugh. So I had a sleepover with one of my friends last night, and she has a crush on me. Why the hell does she have a crush on me?! I don't think I'm at all attractive, I don't know what she sees. Plus I have a girlfriend, who I love very very much. I miss her like crazyy, and I think she's losing feeling for me. It sucks. and I know I'm crazy and that she loves me lots, I just wish I knew what I could do to make her more affectionate. She is a lot of the time in person when it's just the 2 of us, but when we're around people she's not, even though she says she loves PDA. Urgh. I think if I was skinnier, everything would be better and fixed. I hate myself for eating. Blehh. :/