Day 2

Day 2 went pretty well. After lots of studying and a huge ass test, worked out for 40 minutes before work. My abs are sore but I love it!

What I Desire vs. What I am

I wanna look like this:

But instead, I look like this:

Day 1

Day one of working out. Ate unhealthy lunch but worked out hard for an hour. Worn out but feeling great!

Weight loss; The Beginning

Starting weight: 230 lbs. Height: 5 foot 9.5 inches

LOSE IT!

So my next big goal is to lose weight. I'm fat and I know it. I hate it. I think I'm finally in a place in my life where I can do it. I'm not so dependent on my parents so, I can eat what I want. I want HEALTHY. So starting today. Its healthy food, exercise, water lots of water, good amounts of sleep, and organization!! Wish me luck!

I hate myself, I love myself.

I hate being ugly. I sit down, and I see one of my girlfriend's friend's post a picture with my girlfriend's ex. This girl is blonde and a cheerleader. I'm a fat brunette swimmer. I just sit here and cry. I try so hard to lose weight and it's just not working. This summer is going to be my summer to get in shape and do well. I know my girlfriend loves me and thinks I'm gorgeous inside and out, but she agrees that I'm overweight. I hate myself for that and I feel like I'm never gonna be able to live up to the looks of her ex's. I just hate myself in general a lot of the times but I try so hard not to show it. It's so hard...and I hate complaining cause I don't want pity, I just need to vent and all my friends and my girlfriend have heard it a thousand times, do they really want to hear it again? I mean, yeah I'm happy with my girlfriend and my amazing friends. They make me feel loved and cherished, but I don't know how to love myself when I can't compete with that...that...demon! I know she'd never go back with her...I just wish I knew that my looks alone could keep her. Thank god I'm at least a little smart and that I know how to talk, or I would have had no shot. I love my personality for the most part. I mean maybe that ^^^^ could one day be something that you would stop and stare at. Maybe one day this. This person I am, Can be a beautiful head turner. Maybe.

Sad Movies and Revelations.

Fuck sad movies. Making me cry when no one is here to cry with me. Fuck my family for making me feel worthless when I know I'm better than all of them. Maybe the last song is a sad movie but atleast Ronnie's parents let her learn from her own mistakes. Ive learner from mine but still get guilt. Yeah that's life. I hate crying because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that after highschool I'm going to lose my best friend megan and my girlfriend Paula. They're really all I've got now. I don't know where I would be without them. My goals are to finish this school year strong. Have a great summer filled with fun love and work. But also to grow into a better person for myself. I'm going to tell my parents how they make me feel. I'm going to show them I deserve better. I'm gonna show them I'm gonna make it without them.

Never Good Enough!

Wow. Okay so I'm in the top 20% of my class. I was chosen as a representative for my school to go to Girls State this summer. I'm vice president of my class. A member of the national honor society, I have 2 jobs, and I'm still not good enough for my parents. Laying into me about college and scholarships? I KNOW YOU'RE NOT PAYING. So lay off. I'm gonna do what I want, since when have you started caring? Jesus Christ. You know what?

Okay thankssss mom and dad. So here's the plan. Gonna write them letters to show them how stupid they are, and basically just never gonna be home over the summer. Wohoo!

This is Me!

Well, that's me. Not your average lesbian, huh? I take pride in that. Average was something I never wished to be. But trust me, I'm as gay as they come. Yeah it does some times bother me that I don't get the stares from the awed lezies and straight girls alike, but whatever. I guess you may want to know who I am and what my goal is, eh? I'm Sam. That's an obvious one. I'm 17 and going into my senior year of highschool next year. I work hard at my job, I do well in school, and I have the girlfriend of my dreams. What more could I want, you ask? Well, to make a difference. My mission of writing this blog is to help and other Lezies out there feel as comfortable as they can with themselves while I too take the journey to find my real place in this world. So lets do it together, okay? Okay! My parents could really give a shit less about my sexual orientation, and even if it bothered them I wouldn't care. We have problems, but hey. Live and learn. My girlfriends parents and sister are the best. I love them with all my heart and their house is more like home than my own. My best friend is a girl. Her name is Megan, and we're just awesome. We know everything about each other and we've never even had a fight. My girlfriend is the best. She's short but awesome. Strong, smart, funny, hardworking, talented, kind, loving...etc. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. 6 months and going strong ♥ More than anything right now, I'm changing myself. Not to please anyone but myself. I'm on a diet to lose weight, I'm striving to be a better student, a better friend, and a better person overall. My parents want me to stay home and go to the local community college after I graduate but I have bigger plans. I'm a people person, and I want to go into public relations or human resources. Not gonna do that in the shitty state of New York! Well, I hope this post interests straights and gays alike, there will be many more to come with updates on life around me. TTFN.