I hate myself, I love myself.

I hate being ugly. I sit down, and I see one of my girlfriend's friend's post a picture with my girlfriend's ex. This girl is blonde and a cheerleader. I'm a fat brunette swimmer. I just sit here and cry. I try so hard to lose weight and it's just not working. This summer is going to be my summer to get in shape and do well. I know my girlfriend loves me and thinks I'm gorgeous inside and out, but she agrees that I'm overweight. I hate myself for that and I feel like I'm never gonna be able to live up to the looks of her ex's. I just hate myself in general a lot of the times but I try so hard not to show it. It's so hard...and I hate complaining cause I don't want pity, I just need to vent and all my friends and my girlfriend have heard it a thousand times, do they really want to hear it again? I mean, yeah I'm happy with my girlfriend and my amazing friends. They make me feel loved and cherished, but I don't know how to love myself when I can't compete with that...that...demon! I know she'd never go back with her...I just wish I knew that my looks alone could keep her. Thank god I'm at least a little smart and that I know how to talk, or I would have had no shot. I love my personality for the most part. I mean maybe that ^^^^ could one day be something that you would stop and stare at. Maybe one day this. This person I am, Can be a beautiful head turner. Maybe.